Time for some u/s/e/f/u/l/ different questions

[debgeisler]

We have a lot of presidential candidates -- all of whose ads I am bloody well tired of seeing, as they saturate my television screen this week. Mike and I have agreed to leave the television completely off for the next two days. (Not that anybody cares about Massachusetts, but most of the people of New Hamster live close to us, and they tend to watch Boston TV chanels. The candidates know this.)

So, because I will no longer watch their [adjective] ads (and I know who I'm voting for anyway), I have some questions for the presidential candidates:

(1) Given the option of lobster, chicken fried steak, a thick porterhouse, or sweet and sour tofu, which would you prefer? (John Edwards recently noted that he never gets to pick his own dinner while he's on the campaign trail.) This will, clearly, tell us which part of the country you identify with...gustatorily.

(2) White House dog? White House cat? Birds? Gerbils? Fish? (Pets are important...ask any of the presidential biographers about the presidential dogs.)

(3) Favorite writer you don't want the press to know you like. (We already know about Dr. Seuss, Mr. Huckabee.)

(4) There is a big, red button. You can push this button and make one person in the world disappear. No questions asked. Nobody ever comes looking for you. Who do you zap?

(5) When was the last time you went into the Home Depot to pick up some household appliance or repair item? (Gift cards don't count.)

Answer all questions truthfully and without negatively invoking the name of any of your competition.

Bonus points: Do you believe, as former Attorney General Gonzales claimed, that the U.S. Constitution does not expressly grant the right to a Writ of Habeas Corpus? Do you believe in the Great Writ? Because if you found yourself nodding during his statements, I want your sorry ass out of the race. But I un-digress...

Comments

[smofbabe.livejournal.com]

Quesrtion #3: I believe we already "outed" Mitt Romney about one of his favorite books being Battlefield Earth -- I'm not sure any other candidate could top that :->

[debgeisler.livejournal.com]

Gor would do it. (Ah, the puns, they are endless.)

[smofbabe.livejournal.com]

Ar, ar... (BTW, tangentially, if you've never seen House Plants of Gor, you owe it to yourself: http://www.rdrop.com/~/wyvern/data/houseplants.html )

[madfilkentist]

Someone from Obama's campaign stuck a flyer behind my storm door yesterday. Solicitors aren't allowed on my condo complex. The flyer had a phone number for his HQ, so I called and left a complaint. At least I was answered by an actual human who took the time to take down the info.

On top of that, the content of the flyer lost him points for me, as it proposed a number of pointless but attractive-sounding economic interventions.

[debgeisler.livejournal.com]

*snort* And now, I shall put out my eyes. (And water my houseplants.)